Introduction
So, I've been debating on trying to get some stuff off my chest and trying to find closure with a friendship and relationship that, well, let's just say ended far worse than I ever anticipated. This person was a close friend of mine for years and we dated for some of it, and that part well, depends on who you ask or how you define the term relationship. But, nonetheless, this friendship has matter in my life since it's beginning and unexpected start back on July 19, 2019.
Whether we knew each other before still remains a mystery as we went to the same school for elementary, middle, and high school, but were 5 years 9 months apart, as I was older. I knew his older brothers growing up as they were a year younger than me and two grades behind due to a transfer from a different school. But we will branch more on that later on and it is not of immediate importance at the moment.
So, our friendship, which I can give two end dates, one the primary one when we stopped communicating and the other when, well, something I prefer not to talk about at the moment occurred, and it was assumed no recovery in the near future. Even with this friendship over and things in disarray, I still hope that one day we will see eye to eye again, and become friends again. I just hope it happens sooner than later, as once people grow apart, there usually isn't much left to stop it once it starts accelerating.
But the goal of this blog is to try to find closure and hopefully a way to either move on or though I highly doubt it at this point, recover. I've spent the last near 10 months in the lowest part of my life, hurt, and depressed, as it really isn't just about the friendship, but the personal struggles I face and how I feel that losing this friendship will be the loss of the best days of my life, as I don't see there to be any future replacement for this friendship. Along with the bits and pieces over time I plan to discuss about this friendship, my personal struggles, and past year basically of collapse, I plan to share my current day to day interactions and mood on how I'm feeling and getting through all of this. I've been taking it pretty hard and unfortunately it doesn't seem to ever get better but worse.
Facts & Aliases
So, to give some context, I will be referred to as Mac, and this friend will be referred to as Gabe. Ok, I know, yes we were to guys, and it is not easy to just straight up say it, due to my own religious, family, and community views, this is not an easy one for me to tell. The burden and stress this has done and the collapse that came from this over the last 10 months is the reason I have to clear things up, and there will be days I ask questions and hope to be able to find the answers, but the goal of documenting and trying to find clousure are the important things. So to go back to earlier for a second, the two dates of when you can say things were done between us are August 23, 2024, the day we broke up the second time, and December 23, 2024, the day I finally heard back after a week and a half of not hearing from him when we were repairing things. I do not want to discuss the details yet of December 23, 2024 as there is too much on the line from that day and the events are not to be released until the end of this journey.
People
In order to also be able to make this more relatable (instead of this person said this to that person), I've added a list of fake names and who this person was in relation to us. These names have no connection to their real life person, and some facts about each individual may be altered, merged, or replaced by others to protect the identity.
Mac Smith
This is the character for me. I love the Apple ecosystem and I am just going to refer to myself as Mac to make things easier.
Gabe Jones
My ex and former and closest friend I've ever shared a connection with.
Lauren
A mutual friend that moved away but still remained someone I asked for advice and help with dealing with this relationship.
Mr. and Mrs. Jones
Gabe's parents.
Mr. and Mrs. Smith
My mom and dad.
Others
Other people will be added here over time and names may change if a possible concern of identity is discovered
- Lisa - my former deceased sister
The End to a Beginning
Over the next couple of months, this story will be revealed and unfolded and sometimes with no logical structure. Every post will be a in the moment view of how I'm feeling, how I'm getting by, and the things that have bothered me and can't seem to get over.
So until next time, I hope that this blog accomoplishes some of the goal I wish for it to.
-Mac